Won't You Be My Neighbor?

So… back in November or December, I got poked by a couple folks to go blog again. That it was nice that I found my voice and I should do it more often (really, have they heard me talk? My voice could stand to be lost once in a while. But I digress…). It got me thinking about blogging in general, or any of the social media, really. How at first, I thought it takes a certain amount of ego to believe you have something to say that anyone wants to hear (or read). 

I don't say this in a bad way. Some level of ego or confidence is healthy, and it's good to feel like you've been heard and you have an outlet. But I think my generation is a dying breed in a way, and it's been interesting to see the progression.

We and our siblings are pretty much the last generation to grow up (in our formative years, anyway) without being "connected". If we weren't physically with our friends, there wasn't a lot of socializing going on. Sure, we had telephones, but you had to know who you were calling. And unless you had the "pleasure" of a party line (oh, THOSE were fun), you didn't talk to more than one person at a time. You went out for that (and yes, this Old Lady realizes that you Young Whippersnappers still do just that - some things never change, despite society's cries of woe).

Writing was the same way. You wrote. On PAPER! (GASP!) And you either shared it with friends, stuck it in a journal never to see the light of day again, or, if you were good and lucky, you submitted something to a magazine and got published. Or tried.

Only a few people used public outlets, and those outlets were typically letters in magazines or newspapers, or phone calls to talk radio. If you were particularly brave - or crazy - you took to the streets and became one of THOSE people. If you were particularly driven, you got your OWN talk radio show.

And now, being connected, finding an outlet for your beliefs, your concerns, your talents - it's all at your fingertips.

I graduated from college around the time the web took off. I was working at my first job out of school when NCSA Mosaic came along, and wow - this was cool! And then it exploded BEYOND the techie community. People were getting dialup accounts and checking it out for themselves. Getting email. Getting AIM accounts. And that was AMAZING to watch. The Internet went from a small number of communities (USENET groups, various BBSes, chat servers) to one big one in a handful of years. And the kids who were born around that time, this is what they've known since childhood - a community at their fingertips. The public versus the private? Blurred.

What used to require ego and confidence - the newfangled equivalent of shouting in a crowded gathering or standing up on a soapbox on the sidewalk - just doesn't have that same feel for many anymore. Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr… even sites like Reddit and Digg - they're all communities. Virtual neighborhoods. People who've grown up in these streets (or spent a lot of time in them) are quite comfortable here. And it feels like home. There are enclaves, neighborhoods where one is known and comfortable, neighborhoods you've passed through enough and are familiar with, and all sorts of new places to travel to. Boundaries between them? They can be as rigid or as fuzzy as you want them to be.

To someone who sees the Internet as a world full of strangers, yes, it's hard to understand why anyone would share so much online. Or to understand why people feel the need to share so much to nobody in particular.

To someone who sees the Internet as a community, or a neighborhood? It's no different than hanging out with the neighbors, or at a party, and conversing with friends and acquaintances. Personal stories, pontification, silly jokes, favorite songs… every good gathering has some of that. :-) (And yes, every party has the people you wish would shut up, too… no different here, I'm afraid. And I will eventually shut up if you get me one of those chocolate things over there… yeah, that one. Thanks.)

Yes, there are the things to worry about: identity theft… I'm not really talking about that here. Of course, you need to be careful what you leave laying around, just like in real life. No, my point is only that I'm fascinated by the change I see. It's not just "kids" embracing the idea of an online community. Facebook makes it SO easy to stay in touch with old friends and relatives, and I LOVE being able to do that.

Which brings me back around to why I started blogging in the first place (hey, I *am* going somewhere with this!)...

The blog (and others before it) really started out as a way to share "the life of Jen" with my family. I could put some pictures up and point them to it, so they could see the kids grow, or just stay in touch. A closed community. The growth of Facebook made that a moot point, so it turned into more of a journal - travel journal at times, running journal at others. Still a closed community.

And then I had a cancer scare.

And the gates opened - it became a bigger community.

Facebook helped too, but what happened is that I realized I had an audience. An audience of friends. A neighborhood, if you will. A neighborhood who rallied around and helped encourage me to (A) get checked, and (B) got me through a lot of the stress and worry. And I will always appreciate that.

And for those of you who weren't here then, no worries. Benign. :-)

Since then, the blog has gotten a bit deeper. A bit more personal (although I still like keeping certain things close to my chest). Friends have reminded me that I like to write… so I do. Others have encouraged me to KEEP writing here… so I am. At some point, I may even put some of the more artsy-fartsy stuff I've written up here, but I'm not quite ready for that yet, if I ever am (I've got a nice, anonymous Tumblr for that ;-)

I've always loved deep discussions and debates with friends, and while I haven't really done much of that in my blog (yet), I find it fun to turn ideas around and dig into them… to maybe pontificate a bit and see if it leads to a discussion. To question and probe without judgment… maybe the virtual equivalent of having a heated discussion among friends and ending it with, "Well, let's have another beer."

So, okay. I'll blog more. I'll write more. But I'll dig a bit more as well. That's been fun lately, and always good to gain some more self-insight.

And if this blog changes into yet something else? So be it. It'll be fun while it lasts. :-)

Onward and upward!

And thanks for being part of my neighborhood. <3

Gifts

I was challenged to write a blog post before Christmas, and I'm cutting it pretty close. Story of a Procrastinator's life, huh? I had this long post half worked out about gifts and giving and suggested some alternatives to feeling like you NEED to find that something-or-other to check off a box, but since it's Christmas Eve, we're pretty much past that point, aren't we? I'll wrap that one up and dust it off next year. :-)

And then a dear friend of mine (who is also the one who threw down the challenge gauntlet) posted a Christmas memory, and after I dug out whatever was stuck in my eye and making me all teary-eyed, I smiled while I remembered a few of my own.

I lost my dad in 1988, Thanksgiving weekend. I barely remember that Christmas, to be honest. It was a blur, and I think I wanted to keep it that way. My aunt let me borrow some pictures to scan, and I have zero recollection of the time spent at my grandparents' house that day. It's nice to have the pictures now.

What I do have are memories of other Christmases. 

My dad had a bit of a prankster in him. This explains a lot, you say. Thanks for the compliment. ;-)

I remember one Christmas where my Mom had a HUGE box under the tree. He and I watched as she started to open it, and lo and behold… a huge box FULL of paper towels. Individually bunched up (hey, this was well before tissue paper was as ubiquitous as it is now - Bounty is what we had!). I remember "the look" and then Mom digging through the box trying to find the wristwatch hiding among the paper towels. It took a while. As a kid, if that wasn't the funniest thing I saw that Christmas, I don't know what was. :-D

And, of course, they were PERFECTLY GOOD paper towels, so we reused them.

And then there was the homemade box.

My Dad had gotten my Mom something smallish (it was so long ago, and the actual present doesn't matter, so I don't remember what it was), and decided that since we didn't have a box of the proper size, we would make one. 

So I helped my dad cut out 6 equal-sized squares of cardboard from a MUCH LARGER BOX (which was then useless, but whatever - we were making our own!), and we taped that sucker together on all sides around Mom's gift. I think we kept the Scotch tape folks in business that year. 

Mom opened the gift and had NO idea what end to open. And we laughed, got a knife, and extracted the present from its tape-and-cardboard womb.

That box was used EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS after that, until Mom moved and we lost track of it. There was more tape than cardboard after a while, but I always loved that box.

I remember my Dad teaching me how to wrap gifts, to crease the paper just so, to fold here, tuck that there, and tape, tape, tape! 

I remember adding those individual pieces of tinsel to the tree and then recycling them every year to use over again.

I remember the one and only year we got a real tree… I went with my dad and our neighbor into the woods ("Are we supposed to be here?" "It's fine, just hurry up!") to cut what seemed to be the smallest tree in the area. Unfortunately, the smallest tree does not equate to a SMALL tree, and we saw that once we got it home.

To our apartment.

Where you have to wedge this tree through the front door, up the stairs, and around the corner through OUR door.

After much sputtering by my dad and laughing by me, I was sent upstairs to wait.

By the time the tree made it upstairs, it was much more Charlie-Brownish… and there were a number of needles and pieces of tree left behind in the hallway. But it was in. And it was… TALL. Sick of dealing with the tree, they chopped off the TOP so it would fit. So at least it looked fuller. ;-)

And then it wouldn't stay up. The cat didn't help. So Mom did what Moms do - she got out her yarn from her knitting and tied it to the wall. 

Picture if you will, a roundish, bent-up tree tied to the wall with brown, yellow, and orange variegated yarn, with a cat in it.

Yeah, we had a four-foot fake tree every year thereafter. :-)

Some good memories over coffee this morning, and a nice way to reflect on what we take with us from Christmas. So, in a way, this post IS about gifts. The gifts from my Dad that carry with me today. The moments. The memories. The important stuff.

What are YOUR memories of Christmases past? What are you helping create with your loved ones? What will they take with them once you're gone?

Thanks, Dad. Merry Christmas. I do miss you. <3

Merry Xmas? Happy Holidays!

I'm going to preface this post with an apology - I am the type of person who must have been a grade-school teacher in a past life... I have the propensity to be pedantic and want to correct people. I usually do squash that pretty well, or at least THINK I do, given the fact that people still seem to want to talk with me. :-)


All that aside, as Santa rolls in at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, in comes the holiday season, which I adore: the smell of fir trees and bayberry candles, of fires burning, of cookies baking, and (yes - FINALLY now I can personally accept) the sound of Christmas music (and the occasional rotation in of The Hanukkah Song).


Oh. And the annual rant from folks bitterly protesting the use of "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Xmas".


Apologies to any well-meaning friends or family who've joined the protest, but since you've made your point clear, I figure I can make mine and no harm no foul. Besides, I love a good debate. :-)


Here's where the pedant in me would like to point all the people protesting the use of "Xmas" to the following: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xmas


This is not new usage that the "politically correct" have dreamed up. The use of "X" (or the Greek letter chi) to substitute for "Christ" has been around longer than we've had typography to produce it. It is a historically acceptable abbreviation. So when I abbreviate "Christmas" to "Xmas," I am not doing so out of disrespect, nor a desire to remove religion from the holiday. I am not part of any "left-wing conspiracy" nor am I an atheist. Maybe a lazy typist, if I have to admit to being something.


And "Happy Holidays"... Oh boy.


May I ask what's wrong with genuinely wishing someone good will, regardless of how you phrase it? What on Earth possesses someone to see the worst in an expression of good will, and tear down the giver (which I have actually SEEN while out Xmas shopping in past years), rather than accepting it in the spirit in which it's meant?


I certainly can't be the only one who uses "Happy Holidays" to encapsulate Christmas (or Solstice, or Hanukkah, depending on the recipient) AND the New Year, and I WOULD like to wish you a happy time for both holidays without generating offense on the part of the recipient.


And if the well-wisher is unsure of the holidays you celebrate, why is it an offense for them to wish you well generically? It's not up to the retail clerk (who's probably been behind that register WAY too long this season) to determine in less than a second which holiday you celebrate and wish you well accordingly. Is it too much to ask people to accept goodwill in the intent in which it's delivered and celebrate their respective holiday anyway? It is not meant to exclude anyone, rather instead including various other beliefs and celebrations. And since when is inclusion considered bad manners? It's akin to looking at a group of people, male and female, and insisting I call them "gentlemen." 


(Actually, it's more akin to looking at a group of people, some of whom are gender indeterminate, and asking me to call them "gentlemen" rather than "folks" - especially when I sure as heck don't want to offend someone.)


How about we look past the Thanksgiving night lines for the latest sales, look past the newest toys that you HAVE to have, look past the unintended slights and unneeded offense, and take a good long look at what we are all saying this season is about, whatever we believe, and reflect on that?


Happy holidays, folks... whatever you celebrate, or even if you don't. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Solstice, Joyous Yule, Happy New Year, and if I've missed anyone, please let me know. Just be happy. Unwind. Reflect. ENJOY the holidays and don't be consumed by them. May we all start 2012 happier for spending the holidays with loved ones, rather than saying, "Well, I'm glad THAT'S over for another year!"

Giving Thanks...

Another Thanksgiving upon us already? Wasn't it just Halloween? Or did the snowstorm's postponement of trick-or-treat make the time seem to move more quickly this year?


Naah. It moves quickly every year. For something that happens regularly, I seem to get caught off-guard more often than I care to admit. :-)


Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday. Christmas is up there too, but Thanksgiving doesn't have any of the consumer madness associated with Christmas (unless you put off buying your turkey until the day before - then it's you and about a million other people in the grocery store picking up things like cranberry sauce and those last-minute "oops" items). It's a time to spend with loved ones, and to reflect on the good things in your life.


This year has been volatile at best, but I still have some very important things to be thankful for:

• My health and the health of my loved ones, of course. There were some huge successes (a big YAY for my Uncle's clean bill of health), and some worries, but we seem to be holding it together okay.
• Wonderful friends and family. Not only has it been nice to reinforce and strengthen some old friendships, it has also been both touching and relieving to not have to wade through a "divide" at this particular turning point in my life. I'm thankful for ALL my friends and family members, and doubly thankful that they wish to remain such. <3
• Kindness and civility when it counts. No need to explain, but it's very much appreciated.
• Snuggles on the couch with the kids when playing Nyan Cat, and goofy bedtime routines ("Don't let the bedbugs bite!" "Owie owie owie OW!").
• The realization that, despite feeling like I've traipsed off the path and have been walking through brambles for a while now, I can see the clearing up ahead and I'll get there. Hooray for optimism. :-) (And thanks to those who've been there with me through the briar patch <3)
• And the standards this time of year: the rustle of the leaves as you kick your feet through them, seeing your breath puff past your cold nose, the smell of the fires burning in people's homes, hot cider, sweater-and-gloves weather that gets too warm for either as the day goes on, pumpkin-this-and-that, squash galore, pies and more pies, and the ability to step back from the madness and just enjoy it all.

May you all escape the madness and enjoy your Thanksgiving. Eat, drink, be merry, and enjoy the presence of your loved ones. And kick some leaves around. <3

Philosophies and Observations

I was poking around my Blogger archives when I finally decided to start posting again, and found a couple items in the Draft state that were going on over a year old now. One was a bit current-events-related and a bit past its sell-by date, so I deleted that one. The other made for an interesting observation.

It was more of a philosophical question and how I would answer it. I'm not going to post it; my observation is that my answer now isn’t what my answer would have been then. It's funny to think that ideas I subscribed to so heavily (or so strongly TOLD MYSELF I subscribed to) are so easily questioned when my world view changed.

I used to subscribe very heavily to the following philosophies (and no, neither one of these was the question - nice try :-):

• Everything in this world ends. Every. Thing. Worrying about how it will end is counterproductive. The smart thing is to enjoy what you have, when you have it, and quit worrying about how things will unfold
• You are in control of your own happiness. For the things in life you aren’t in control of, you have control over how you deal with them, and nobody can take that away from you.

Of course, that was before the snow globe got shaken up and everything went all crooked. I guess I never had reason to question them before - seems common-sense, right? Great advice, wonderful wisdom.

Not so easy in practice.

Sort of like everything else in life, right? We know that if we keep eating the Halloween candy, we’re not doing our health any favors. But that mini Mounds bar is soooooo good. We know that we should choose the salad instead of the pizza for lunch because we haven’t seen a real vegetable in three days, but the pizza has bacon on it today and hey - bacon pizza! And then we kick ourselves after the fact.

So, with the events of late, I have become somewhat of a worrier. I used to worry about other folks, that's not the part that's changed, and really, it was more concern than worry. But now I'm worried about my own future. Quite out of character for me, and a bit disconcerting. I know it’s absolutely pointless - half the time, things don’t work out at all like you’d envision, so there’s no sense worrying, and the other half the time, they will, and you’ll have to deal with them THEN, so there’s no sense stressing out NOW.

As a side observation, though, it seems like the volumes of paperwork required for a divorce are designed to bump up the stress level of the average person. Luckily, that part is pretty much done. But I digress...

As for the “in control of my own happiness”? Yes, I still believe in that, but boy have I not been living that lately. Stress makes it easy to see the world through a dark filter, and it’s tough to remember to take that filter off when looking at the rest of the world.

It’s unnerving enough when your world changes out from underneath you, but questioning who you are and what you believe in just adds to the mix and seems to feed a cycle of insecurity. it’s something I need to be aware of, and be careful not to get too far down that path. Right now, the future is both frightening and promising. At least it’s nice to have the balance of the two. Maybe the best philosophy right now is a simple one:

One day at a time.