It was more of a philosophical question and how I would answer it. I'm not going to post it; my observation is that my answer now isn’t what my answer would have been then. It's funny to think that ideas I subscribed to so heavily (or so strongly TOLD MYSELF I subscribed to) are so easily questioned when my world view changed.
I used to subscribe very heavily to the following philosophies (and no, neither one of these was the question - nice try :-):
- Everything in this world ends. Every. Thing. Worrying about how it will end is counterproductive. The smart thing is to enjoy what you have, when you have it, and quit worrying about how things will unfold
- You are in control of your own happiness. For the things in life you aren’t in control of, you have control over how you deal with them, and nobody can take that away from you.
Of course, that was before the snow globe got shaken up and everything went all crooked. I guess I never had reason to question them before - seems common-sense, right? Great advice, wonderful wisdom.
Not so easy in practice.
Sort of like everything else in life, right? We know that if we keep eating the Halloween candy, we’re not doing our health any favors. But that mini Mounds bar is soooooo good. We know that we should choose the salad instead of the pizza for lunch because we haven’t seen a real vegetable in three days, but the pizza has bacon on it today and hey - bacon pizza! And then we kick ourselves after the fact.
So, with the events of late, I have become somewhat of a worrier. I used to worry about other folks, that's not the part that's changed, and really, it was more concern than worry. But now I'm worried about my own future. Quite out of character for me, and a bit disconcerting. I know it’s absolutely pointless - half the time, things don’t work out at all like you’d envision, so there’s no sense worrying, and the other half the time, they will, and you’ll have to deal with them THEN, so there’s no sense stressing out NOW.
As a side observation, though, it seems like the volumes of paperwork required for a divorce are designed to bump up the stress level of the average person. Luckily, that part is pretty much done. But I digress...
As for the “in control of my own happiness”? Yes, I still believe in that, but boy have I not been living that lately. Stress makes it easy to see the world through a dark filter, and it’s tough to remember to take that filter off when looking at the rest of the world.
It’s unnerving enough when your world changes out from underneath you, but questioning who you are and what you believe in just adds to the mix and seems to feed a cycle of insecurity. it’s something I need to be aware of, and be careful not to get too far down that path. Right now, the future is both frightening and promising. At least it’s nice to have the balance of the two. Maybe the best philosophy right now is a simple one:
One day at a time.